The Light in the Darkness
by Ryuuen Chou
Summary: Ryuuen is an emotionally unstable college student. Then all new problems arise.. what's he to do? (Shounen-ai)
1. His Eyes

The Light in the Darkness  
By Ryuuen  
  
Warnings: Shounen-ai, touchy themes, language, possible spoilers later on, reincarnation fic.  
  
Disclaimer: I own a bag full of candy from Tasuki-chan's birthday party, and purple braided Nuriko hair, but I don't own Nuriko and I sure as heck don't own Fushigi Yuugi. Not that it would be a BAD thing if I did...  
I do, however, own the song for this chapter, "His Eyes (I can't live with the pain)".  
  
A/N: Well! Ryuuen! Another new fic, eh?? Yeah. Umm.. okay, this idea came to me while reading Ryuuen (not me, another Ryuuen)'s fic (but I can't remember the name) and hanging out with Tasuki-chan and Jason-chan (she knows who she is) last night at Tasuki-chan's birthday party (happy 16th, Tasuki-chan!! Whoo!!). I am also on a sugar rush.. so this is kinda offbeat and weird. Ages and such are as follows:  
  
Name=Age=year in college  
Taka= 20= second year  
Saihitei= 20= second year  
Ryuuen= 19= second year  
Genrou= 20= second year  
Houjun= 21= third year  
Juan= 22= fourth year  
Doukun= 17= first year  
Miaka= 19= first year  
Yui= 19= first year  
(other characters will be told when they appear)  
  
Well, here goes!!  
  
THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS I  
HIS EYES  
  
[I can see in his eyes  
the love I had to leave behind  
it hurt to leave- I knew it would  
but I just couldn't live with that pain]  
  
"Takaaaaa," I called as I walked into the apartment, my mind spinning in tiny little circles as I tried to figure out who it could possibly be that Taka wanted me to meet. I mean, I thought I KNEW all of his friends already. Whatever. He'd've killed me if I hadn't shown up, so here I am. Here. Walking into his (predictably unlocked) apartment, my bag from last class still slung over my shoulder. "Taka, who is that you want me to.."  
I stopped. Dead. Cold.  
  
No. No. It's not him. It's some lookalike, a terrible joke. Didn't I tell Taka about him? No, I didn't. I couldn't. But it's not him so it's okay. It's not him.  
  
But it was. I could see the recognition in those deep-green eyes, the eyes that I used to love so dearly. The eyes of someone who could cause so much happiness.. and yet so much pain.  
  
It's not him please PLEASE it's not him.. it's not. This is some horrible, horrible joke. Only I never told anybody about Genrou.  
  
Taka entered then, but his smile faltered soon after. I knew I was white as a ghost. I was shaking. I wanted to faint, just pass out and not have to deal with this moment.  
  
Sadly, I never faint.  
  
[Now I see him on the street  
and I almost call his name  
when we're together with friends  
it's almost like nothing has changed]  
  
"Oh, do you two know each other?" Taka asked, his eyes on me as he asked, trying to remain neutral although I was relatively sure that if there was an argument (which there probably wouldn't be) he would side with me. Or at least make him leave me alone.  
"Yes." I said stiffly, knowing that he knew that I was trying not to remember that I was in the room with him. That he was here. That he was *alive*. "Yes, I know Genrou."  
I had to work hard to get his name out since I most definately did NOT want to say it. Nope. Not.  
But I had to. I don't know why, but something in me.. I hadn't said his name in so long.. it was like freeing some of myself, you know? A part of myself that I really didn't know existed. The "confused and really weird hurt" part of me, I guess. Don't ask. It comes from way back.  
  
But now he'll say that there's been a mistake, he's not Genrou, sorry, his name is really.. uh.. Kuwabara! Okay, nevermind. I've been watching too much Yu Yu Hakusho. And he's too good-looking to be Kuwabara, even if he *does* have red hair, and... Oh, shut up, mind!  
  
Taka was watching me for some kind of big reaction. Just because I am a self-proclaimed attention slut does NOT mean that I burst into tears at stuff like this.. even if I kind of want to.  
"Yeah. I've known Ryuuen for.. a long time." Genrou says. Ah, yes. Very tactful. Mr. Tact. Of course he wouldn't mention to Taka that we used to date. That Miaka used to call me "the boy-toy" as a joke. That I was hopelessly, completely, and utterly in love with him. That it took me almost two years to finally break up with him. That I'm still not over it. That I still... oh, nevermind. I won't start.  
  
"Houjun didn't think you two had met," Taka said conversationally (oh yes, Mr. Tact #2). "He told me you had never mentioned Genrou, Ryuuen."  
  
Thank you ever so much, Taka Sukunami, for bringing *me* into this when I so *clearly* do not want *anything* to do with this.  
  
"I didn't." I replied, biting the inside of my lip to hold back any tears my emotional brain might decide to send. Sadly, I am also a very emotional person.  
  
"Oh.. why not?" Taka asked.  
That did it. I burst out in tears.  
  
[When I saw him the other day  
he didn't mention a single meaningful thing  
now I can think again  
that I'm kinda glad for that]  
  
"R.. Ryuuen?" Taka stared at me. I felt the warm, salty tears streaking down my face, the hot, irrational anger building inside of me.  
I didn't want this to be happening. I didn't want this to be going on now. I didn't want to see him *ever again*, period. But now here he is.  
  
Genrou was watching me, and I could swear I saw a glimmer of something like.. sadness? regret?.. in his eyes.  
  
I don't want your pity, I told him in my mind. I don't want your pity and I don't *need* you anymore.  
  
"Ryuuen.. please.. are you alright? What's wrong?" Taka asked, his hand on my shoulder. I wanted none of this. None.  
  
"I'm fine." I said through tears. "I'm just fine."  
  
And then I walked up to Genrou.  
And punched him.  
  
[But in his eyes  
I see the kind of dreams  
that I let go of long ago  
a place where I can never again go]  
  
Taka stared at me again. Genrou put a hand reflexivly to his cheek (but I probably didn't hit him too hard.. I'm not very big or anything). There was silence except for my heavy breathing, coming in little gasps through tears.  
  
Oh. my. GODS. What did you just DO!?! I asked myself. What if he gets mad and hits you or something? What if you lose Taka for a friend because you punched him? I couldn't stand that. I have never actually *punched* anyone in my ENTIRE life. Never. And now I did. And it had to be the one person I know who is actually capable of physically harming me who actually *would*. And does anyone else have these weird inner conversations or is it just me?  
  
"Ryuuen.." Taka had his arm around me, let me cry into his shoulder. I held on to him for a long time, heard the door slam. I was vaguely aware that Genrou had left the apartment. But my world, at least for the moment, was the soft comfort of the cloth of Taka's shirt. He then led me to the couch, let me sit down and calm myself, before asking, "What was that all about?"  
  
"I.. we..." I began, stuttering already, but I had to get it out. Had to. Taka is one of my *best friends*, and he should know. "Genrou and I.. ahh.. used to go out.. I broke up with him about a half a year ago.. he used to.. you know.. he used to.."  
  
I trailed off into tears and Taka seemed to draw conclusions.  
  
"He used to hurt you?" He asked. I nodded a few times, then found my voice.  
  
"Yes. That's why I left him.. under Miaka's insistance." I said, making sure he realized what a coward I had been. I hadn't had the strength to leave him on my own, or else I would have a year and a half before then. Then I just started to explain the whole thing. How much I loved him, despite how much he hurt me. How I met Miaka and she saw the bruises one day when she was riding the bus, sitting next to me, and wanted food. She had grabbed my arm and I had cried out. She looked and that was it.. I had told her. She encouraged me to get away from him, something I gladly did as soon as I could. After that I moved out of his apartment and moved in with my friend since forever, Yui. How I hid in my room there for days, just crying, until Miaka had me forcefully removed via Juan and Houjun. Because no matter all I had been through, I had still loved him. It hurt to lose something like that, and even though I was angry at him, wanted to kill him, there was still a part of me that wanted to run back to him crying and apologizing. When I finished my story, Taka was looking at me with such sadness in his eyes that I started crying again. He pulled me into a hug and let me cry, whispering into my ear.  
  
What he seemed to be whispering, if I heard correctly, was, "You always get so hurt.. (he said a name here but I didn't hear it) but it won't be that way anymore (the name again).. I promise.."  
  
[In his eyes  
I see the creature I despise  
and in his eyes  
I see pain  
in his eyes  
I have found..  
the truth] 


	2. Forevermore

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or the Tenchi Muyo! song "Midsummer Night Eve". I do, however, own Ryuuen's (the character, not me) mental issues. (Ryuuen: I do NOT have mental issues!) Do too! Do too!  
  
A/N: I'm sorry for the sap and angst of the last chapter, with any luck this chapter will be better. I know I got really involved with the story in the last chapter by introducing so MUCH there, but don't you think it's better that way? Well, there *will* be a plot to this, it's forming! F-O-R-M-I-N-G!! Meaning that you'll have to read more to get it!  
NOTE: This will NOT be a Taka/Ryuuen pairing, in case you were wondering. I have other plans. Although it *is* an interesting avenue to pursue.. but Taka has Miaka. So no.  
NOTE2: I know that it's a bit unrealistic for Genrou to hurt Ryuuen, but it's the story. Go with it. All will be explained soon.  
  
Oh yeah! New character name=age=year in college thing!  
  
Kaen= 21= third year  
Chuin= 20= second year  
Ayuru= 21= third year  
Kotoku= 19= second year  
Shunkaku= 19= second year  
Koro= 21= third year  
Junto= 22= fourth year  
  
  
THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS II  
FOREVERMORE  
  
[The slope with sunflower on the sides  
today, we are walking two opposite directions  
I am sad about myself for blaming you  
in the gap between the loud voices of children]  
  
"RYUUEN!!" It was the next morning as I walked towards the school for my first class (a ten o' clock Dramatic Arts class, the earliest class I have), and I found myself being bowled over by a small hurricane named Miaka. "Taka told me about what happened!! I'm sooooo sooo sorry! I should've said something or something like that I'm SO sorry!! You must have been terrified!!"  
  
Well, I was. But I couldn't tell *her* that. She'd just be all sympathetic and weird. I don't want that.  
  
"Miaka.. I'm fine." I lied, rubbing my eyes, which were red from crying and had dark circles under them from little sleep (I looked like shit basically). "Besides.. I think he's angrier than I am. I hit him."  
Her greenish eyes widened as she took in this new information.  
"WOW. You *hit* Genrou?? Ryuuen, you're so brave!!" She cooed, and I rolled my eyes. She was sincere, but it got to the point where I sometimes wondered if she was really this ditzy or did she have an ulterior motive? Or she's an alien. Dun dun dun. Yeah, right. Dream on, Sci-Fi Network junkie.  
"Miaka, I've got class. I'll see you later, okay?" I said.  
"Come over after class, okay? I've got someone for you to mee~eet!" She said. I can't take much more of this "someone to meet" stuff. It's gonna kill me at an early age. "Okay?"  
"Yeah, sure. I've gotta go, Miaka, see you."  
"JAAAAAAAA!!!" She yelled after me as I ducked into the building (well not really *ducked* since at 5'5" I'm not exactly tall).  
  
"Ryuuen, what's up? You look like you got hit by a truck." My friend Chuin greeted, smiling brightly at me in the way that way-too-much-of-a-morning-person people have a tendancy of doing. I felt kinda like smacking him, like I usually do when I haven't had caffeine yet and someone is overly cheerful.  
"Thanks, Chuin. And you look lovely with your.. uh.. hat.." I said, motioning to the pillow that Kaen, another of the Dramatic Arts classmembers had somehow strapped to his head. He laughed.  
"Yeah, I know, it's the new fashion statement for the school. Whaddaya think?"  
"Chuin, I think you have too much time on your hands." I said, motioning to the half-filled five-subject notebook that he had gotten maybe two weeks ago (if that). "And we'd better get to class or Tensubari-sensei is going to have our heads."  
"On a golden platter, even." He replied playfully, picking up the notebook and his bookbag and following me into the auditorium, which doubled as my drama classroom.  
  
That is if Genrou doesn't get there first.  
  
[Without hesitation, the love started  
when the summer finishes  
we are going to live seperately]  
  
After class, I procrastinated as long as I could with my fellow drama-gurus (namely Chuin, Kaen, another girl named Junto and a guy named Kotoku) before finally going to Miaka's dorm room when they all left (Kotoku needed to study for a test next class, Junto blamed it on a class, Chuin had to catch his sleep before his two o' clock class, and Kaen needed some coffee.. I would've gone with her but I don't drink coffee). So I went.  
  
Miaka's dorm room is surprisingly nice. Not neat (not at ALL neat), but nice. Well.. except for the stuffed animals everywhere, but there's Miaka for you.  
"Miaka?" I called as I entered, smiling brightly. With any luck, this time it won't be a figure from any traumatic stage of my life. I have had a lot of traumatic stages in my life. Which leaves me thinking "why me" quite frequently. "Miaka, where are you?"  
"I'm in here!" She called from the kitchen. Ah. Shoulda known.  
But as I began to walk towards the kitchen, I nearly collided with someone that I hadn't noticed. I backed off instinctively and began to apologize, but stopped short when I saw who it was that I had almost collided with.  
He was tall, with brown hair and amber eyes that smiled even when his expression remained neutral. He looked good. More than good. He was.. gorgeous. Godly. The kind of guy I have good dreams about.  
  
StopstopstopstopSTOPIT!! You cannot fall for a guy, I told myself. Remember Genrou. Just remember Genrou and remove ALL temptation.  
It's not worrrrking, the romantic, artsy (and insistant) side of my brain replied.  
TRY HARDER, the logical side said.  
I cannnn'ttt!! The artsy part yelled happily. He's too hottttttttt!!! I cannn'tttt!!  
  
"Sorry," I said, blushing crimson. He smiled then. I almost fainted. I have *never* fainted, but right then I *felt* like I was going to faint. Is this what love at first sight is supposed to be like? "I didn't see you."  
"It's quite alright." He replied in a nice, smooth voice. "You must be Ryuuen. I'm Saihitei."  
  
Saihitei, Saihitei. Sai. Hi. Tay. I like that. I wonder if he'd let me call him Sai? Probably not. Oh well.  
  
"Yeah." I said, smiling at him a little. "Nice to meet you."  
  
And for the first time since I had broken up with Genrou, I meant it.  
  
[There is no need for goodbye.  
Because I cannot wait for the winter  
let's have a Christmas for just two of us]  
  
"Nice to meet you, too." He said. Then Miaka came in.  
"Ryuu-chan!!" She yelled, hugging me. "I'm glad you two've met. Do you guys wanna watch a movie or just hang out or what?"  
"Movie." We both said. I looked at Saihitei and he grinned. I shrugged uncomfortably.  
"As long as it isn't 'Little Women'," I said with a little, nervous laugh. Miaka laughed. She knew why. Little Women is the *only* movie I have *ever* fallen asleep during.  
"What about 'Model Behavior'?" Miaka suggested. I smiled.  
"Yesyesyes!!" I said, grinning like an idiot and for once not really caring. "I love that movie!! Let's let's let's PLEASE?!"  
I turned hopeful eyes on Saihitei, who nodded, grinning.  
"Alright." He said. I like his voice. I jumped up and down a little, the contents of my twenty-ounce bottle of Pepsi shaking around in the bottle in my hand.  
"Yes! I love that movie!" I repeated, going for the spontaneous and hugging Saihitei around the middle before I realized what I was doing, blushed, and retreated to the living room, mentally berating myself the entire time.  
  
WHY did you act like such an IDIOT in front of him?? I asked myself. You are such a MORON! My God you SPAZ. He probably thinks you're insane.  
  
I shrugged to myself and walked over to the small cabinet by the TV and started rummaging through various movies-not-in-cases in the attempt to find Model Behavior, smiling like a maniac the whole time. My Pepsi sat, forgotten for a moment, on the coffee table.  
  
"I FOUND IT!!" I yelled for Miaka's benefit (she was still in the kitchen, whereas Saihitei had followed me into the living room), holding up a case with a long white strip on one end that read Model Behavior. "C'mon, Miaka! You don't need to eat during the movie!"  
She finally arrived, bearing a huge bowl of popcorn.. which would probably turn up missing about twelve minutes into the movie, but oh well. I found myself a seat on the right end of the couch, and Saihitei sat right next to me. I pressed a button on the remote (which I held since I still remember the time Miaka thought the remote was a candy bar and ate it.. but that was a different TV) and the movie started rolling (some kind soul had rewound only to the beginning of the movie, so no one had to sit through the previews).  
As the movie began, I wondered what the result of this growing group I was part of would be. We were friends, all of us (well most of us anyway), and we liked to do things together, normal friend stuff, but what was weird was that if *any* of us were asked who our best friends were, we would name off every single one of the others. We were that close.  
  
Then again, I just worry too much about things that don't really matter.  
  
[Hot sunlight is illumination  
I don't mind it turning to a painful love. Hug me..  
We were talking at the beach without having a sleep  
then we laughed at each other's swollen eyes]  
  
When the credits finally started rolling, I realized that I was pressed against something warm. I looked and found that I had (perhaps unconsciously) curled up next to Saihitei at some point during the movie, and that I was clutching his arm like I was trying not to drown. The other thing I realized was that he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he looked down at me.. and smiled.  
  
No WAY, I thought. This is too *much*. No guy has *ever* been interested in you, you know that! Genrou doesn't count 'cuz *I* asked *him* out. But really! No. WAY. And why am I still holding on to him? You CANNOT like ANYONE! How many different ways can I say it? No. NononononoNO. Not after what Genrou did to you. Not after that. Never again.. never..  
  
I finally pulled away, blushing. I felt strangely like crying. My own thoughts can sometimes do that to me. I stood up slowly. Miaka was getting the tape out of the VCR. I looked at my watch. One fifty-two in the afternoon.  
"Oh SHOOT!" I yelled. "Miaka I've gotta go! I've got my English Literature class in eight minutes!"  
"Oh, Ryuuen, I'm sorry!" She said, "I didn't mean to keep you so long! I forgot completely! I'll see you later though, right?"  
Seven minutes.  
"Yeah, but now I've gotta go. Seeyah, Miaka. It was nice meeting you, Saihitei!" I called as I ran out the door.  
Six minutes.  
I beat tracks to the campus in record time, managing to avoid crashing into other nearly-late students by sheer luck.  
  
I made it to the class with not one minute to spare.  
  
And, to me, it was absolutely worth it.  
  
[Every time I wake up with you  
I get scared of staying in my room on my own.  
There is no need for goodbye  
please make the promised Eve come true at here and now]  
  
Later on, after the class, I wandered around town. I didn't have a specific place to be, and I certainly didn't expect to end up where I did.  
  
I recognized the slightly run-down old building as I approached it, rust-red paint peeling off in places, and I instinctively glanced up to the third floor window. The light was on.  
  
Oh gods oh GODS why did I come *here* of ALL places to go? I asked myself frantically. Why? I don't want to be here I don't need my memories.. I don't *want* my memories... So why did I come here??  
  
I felt the tears on my face and collapsed next to the stairs that led up to the building, leaning against the red siding. I clasped my hands around my knees and leaned my head to lean against my knees, crying. I heard, distantly, the little whimpering half-words that formed as I tried to reassure myself, failing as I found that I couldn't even speak real words.  
I hardly felt his prescence before me, until he put a hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Ryuuen," He said, "what's wrong?"  
He sounded genuinly upset by my crying. Genuinly concerned. But he was Genrou. I couldn't stay.  
I jumped to my feet, tears still streaming down my face, and ran. I ran as fast as I could.  
  
Away, away, away, my mind shouted, and I obeyed. I ran. I ran and ran and I didn't care where I went as long as it was away from him. He didn't try to stop me, nor did he follow.  
  
I couldn't get rid of the feeling of his hand on my shoulder, a tingling sensation that made me as strangely happy as it did sad and angry. But I had to get AWAY. Just get AWAY, and I'd be fine.  
  
I felt the collision when I met with something solid as I ran blindly. I felt a flash of blinding pain, it hurt so bad. I saw red, and then I saw Saihitei, running towards me.. that was him, wasn't it? It looks like him. And then.. and then...  
  
And then all I saw was black.  
  
[Kiss of sigh is celebration  
hug the meaning of pain in my smile  
I want to stay like this forever  
hug the feeling that I cannot express, trying not to break it]  
  
"Ryuuen?" A voice was calling me. I wanted to respond but I couldn't. It was all so dark. "Ryuuen, please wake up. Please."  
Is that Miaka? It sounds like Miaka. Why is she crying?  
"Come on, Ryuuen, you can't.. can't.." Taka is crying too? No, no way. They can't be crying for *me*, could they?  
I'm.. dying, aren't I? Like in that song, "coulda been a movie star, never got a chance to go that far".. the song, I think.. "Stolen", by Destiny's Child. I like that song. And now I can't think straight. I can't hear them anymore. Why not?  
Why is this happening to me?? I don't want to die! I take back my wishes on stars! I don't want to die! No matter what I used to say, no matter how much I used to think it, I do not want to go! I have friends now, people who care about me, and I don't want to die!  
  
"Ryuuen?" I heard an uncertain voice ask. I could hear them again! I would have smiled if I could have. "Ryuuen? Can you hear me?"  
It was Saihitei. It had been Saihitei who had come running. I knew it.  
"Ryuuen, you got hit. You got hit by a car, Ryuuen." Saihitei was telling me. "You're hurt pretty bad. We're in the hospital. You have to wake up now, okay?"  
His voice was so soothing. I love his voice. And I knew that I had to get up. I know, I know, I know! Everyone was there, weren't they? Maybe Genrou was even there.  
Finally, I was able to open my eyes, looked down at myself without moving my head (somehow).  
  
I nearly passed out again.  
  
[Manatsu no eve (midsummer's eve), I won't forget about it  
about you, I won't forget about it  
our Eve, I won't forget about it  
about you, I won't forget about it] 


	3. I Can't Believe This Is Happening!

Disclaimer: I own not Fushigi Yuugi, nor do I own "Kuchibue ga Kikoeru" ("I Hear A Whistle") from the Yu Yu Hakusho/Poltregeist Report soundtrack.  
  
A/N: Well, well, what DO you know? I'm torturing Ryuu-chan again. Wow, *that's* new. ^__^ Anyway, this has a plot and this is happening for a reason. This is leading up to something. Don't worry, the plot shall be revealed soon.. probably in this chapter! Or I should say it will *begin* to be revealed in this chapter.  
NOTE: I apologize for the sap and drama in this chapter, but hey, the guy got hit by a freaking CAR! You can't exactly blame me!  
And cookies to anyone who can guess who everyone is so far! Whoo! Koro has entered the building!  
  
  
THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS III  
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!  
  
[I can hear a whistling farther than yesterday   
I collect the scattered pieces   
I hold them tightly in my right hand, and softly close my eyes]  
  
I think the strangest thing about being hit by a car was how little I was hurt. I wasn't dying. I had come close, though. Not because of the car, though (which is weird) since it only caught me on one side, and the only thing I broke was a rib (which is bad enough, but hey, it could be worse), but because I hit my head really hard on the pavement afterwards, and it nearly broke my skull (nearly, thank the gods). As it is I have a bandage around my head, bandages over my ribs, and about twenty different bandages over the cuts I had also collected from it. The others were standing around me. Miaka was crying. I noticed that Taka and some of the others had been crying. Saihitei was there, too, and his look was one of relief when I finally woke up.  
Junto sat near me, her hand on mine, her black eyes regarding me steadily like they always did.  
  
"You're awake." She stated. I nodded a little, even though it sent a shockwave of pain into my already-aching head.  
"Yeah.. I'm sorry I worried everybody.." I muttered, forcing the words out from the pain. "I'll be okay."  
  
I can't believe this is happening! I shouted in my mind. Since when did I *ever* have to go to the hospital?! This is nothing, nothing to then.. and.. oh.. my.. gods.. he's here..  
  
"Ryuuen," Genrou began, "why did you run away from me?"  
  
"Shouldn't it be obvious?" Taka asked, coming to my rescue instantly, his eyes narrowed. Those who didn't know what was going on (read: Junto, Kaen, Doukun, Koro, and Kotoku) just stared. "The way you used to treat him makes this look like nothing!"  
Now they were getting the picture. Kaen's hand went to her mouth in surprise. Doukun looked from me to Genrou in shock. Junto shot me a worried glance, her normally unemotional dark eyes betraying concern. Kotoku took a step so that he was halfway between me and Genrou, his usually calm blue eyes stormy. Koro put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he had put his hand over a bruise and that it kind of hurt. He was protecting me. I knew that Genrou wouldn't be able to hurt me here, my friends would protect me.  
  
"Taka.." Genrou whispered hoarsely. He sounded like he had been crying. "Taka, you don't understand.. please.. I need to explain.. not here. Alone."  
I almost protested until I realized how close his tone came to anguish, how heartfelt was his plea that I couldn't find the strength to say a word.  
  
So Taka and Genrou left, and the ones who had been ready to fight for me relaxed. I felt Koro's hand on my shoulder retract as he went back to his seat. Koro is a good friend. I know he would've done a lot of very painful things to Genrou if he had tried to hurt me.  
  
So we waited. We waited for almost a half an hour and talked quietly amongst ourselves (and I was asked about fourteen times if I was "okay") until they came back. Genrou was pale, and there were tearstains on his face. Taka looked like he had just heard that Elvis *really* wasn't dead.  
Finally Taka approached me.  
  
"Ryuuen, I need to talk to you alone." He said. The others filed out silently until it was just the two of us.  
"What is it, Taka?" I asked after a moment, the pounding in my head set aside for the moment.  
  
"Ryuuen... it wasn't Genrou's fault." He said. "It was never Genrou's fault."  
  
[Knife-like moonlight rains down   
On a night that freezes even the horizon   
Alone in that wilderness, hugging my knee   
I strain to hear the song of the wind]  
  
"Wh.. What do you mean??" I asked, my heart pounding in my ears like a drum, confusion enveloping me in it's crimson haze.  
"It's a long story, Ryuuen-chan." He said, sitting down in the chair next to my bed where Junto had been sitting before. "But to make it shorter, I'll just say it. I know this seems insane, but.. Ryuuen, Genrou was possessed by a dark spirit that comes from a long, long time ago. From another life, really."  
I gasped. "A.. A dark spirit? He told you that.. and you believed him?" I asked, incredulous, my pain forgotten for a time.  
  
"I know that it's true, Ryuuen. I know because I remember this spirit, from my last life. I know that he would never intentionally hurt you, Ryuuen, not Genrou. He cares too much about you for that. That's why I was so shocked when you told me he had hurt you. Now I know why." He explained, and I believed him because.. because he's Taka. And I had to. I needed some rationalization for the way Genrou had changed after we started dating.. how he had hurt me. I needed something to hold on to, and Taka had given me a truth that I could deal with.  
  
"But.. why? Why me? Why Genrou? Taka.. does this mean he's himself now?" I asked, questions filling my mind as suddenly as the confusion had.  
  
"It has to do with a past that I don't think you're ready to know, Ryuuen." He said, his voice lower and more serious than I had ever heard it. "But yes, he's himself now."  
  
"What past? Why can't I know?" I asked, knowing that I sounded like an over-eager child and not really caring. I wanted to KNOW, dammit.  
  
"A past from a very long time ago, Ryuuen. Which you aren't ready to know yet." He said. "But I'll tell you when I can, I promise. Because as much as I know you aren't ready to hear it, Ryuuen.. I'm not ready to tell it."  
  
And I saw genuine anguish in his eyes, heard it in his voice. This story that he wouldn't tell me was sad for him, I knew. He was afraid that it would be sad for me as well. So I let it drop.  
  
Then the door opened, and Koro poked his head in the door.  
  
"Can we come back in now? Before Kaen and Chuin scare off the nurses with their rendition of Romeo and Juliet?" He asked. I smiled a little. Taka grinned.  
  
"Sure," He said. "We were just finished talking."  
  
[Those who do not know a sleepless night   
Cannot become strong; that is the rule]  
  
By the time I got back to my apartment, I was suitably confused and completely drugged out on doctor-prescribed pain killers. I felt really light-headed and kind of drunk (well I guess that's what being drunk is like.. I wouldn't know.) as well. Yui guided me to my bed and let me lay down to sleep it off, but I couldn't sleep. My thoughts kept me up.  
  
A past he can't tell me... I thought. I wonder why? What could be so bad about it that he would think me not ready to handle it? And why oh WHY do I keep having these inner conversations??  
  
I stayed awake all night with only my thoughts for company, and the morning came far too slowly.  
  
[I can hear whistling farther than the stars and the skies   
It's the words of someone's prayer   
I hold them tightly in my right hand, and softly close my eyes]  
  
The next day, I was back at class at ten o' clock (today it was Video Production, the only class I have with Koro). I couldn't afford to miss a day, even if Kuchima-sensei said that I should have stayed home and rested after what I went through last night. But my grades.. if I sent home word that I got so much as an A MINUS my parents went nutty. I have been tied to the post labeled "straight A's". I can't afford to miss a class unless it's a real emergency. And this, while an emergency, certainly, was not enough. I could make it.  
  
"Man, what the hell are you doing here?" Koro asked when I walked in, his wide brown eyes displaying shock. "You should be in BED, I mean you almost died!"  
  
"Koro, I'm fine." I said hastily, not wanting to draw undue attention to myself. "I feel much better than I did. But thanks for caring."  
  
"What are friends for?" He asked, putting his arm around my shoulders. Once again, I didn't have the heart to tell him that it hurt a little bit. Oh well.  
  
"Reminding one not to accidentaly skip study hall in the twelth grade, KORO." I replied, grinning. He drew away and stared at me, mock-angry.  
  
"Are you STILL going on about that? It's been two years, get OVER it."  
  
"Well REALLY..."  
  
We walked to class together, Taka's "past" completely forgotten in favor of this happiness.  
  
[A thing that's even sadder than loneliness   
Is not realizing that loneliness   
No matter how freezing the night, under the earth   
Warmth is hidden]  
  
I was walking home from Video Production class, in a good mood, when suddenly it all came crashing down. He was there.. in front of the building.  
  
Stop it, Ryuuen, I told myself. It's not his fault, he didn't do it on purpose.. so you don't have any reason to be afraid of him, right? *Right*?  
  
I approached him slowly, trying to act casual but knowing that I was as white as a ghost.  
  
"Hi, Genrou," I said, giving him a little wave before continuing to the stairs. Or I would have continued, if he hadn't grabbed my arm, forcing me to stay where I was. There was a look in his eyes that I hadn't seen before, a kind of regret, an anguish that was so deep, so painful that for a moment it took my breath away. "G-Genrou, what??"  
  
"Ryuuen.." He said, "I'm sorry about what happened then.. I didn't want to hurt you, and I never have. Never of my own free will would I *ever* hurt you. I just thought.. thought you should know that. It hurts to see you freeze up whenever you see me. I know it's because of what I did. And I don't deserve any kind of forgiveness for doing that to you. But I just wanted you to know that."  
  
I could tell he'd been rehearsing this in his head for quite some time. He'd probably been standing there for a whole hour, waiting for me to get out of class.  
  
"Genrou, it's all right." I replied with a weak smile. "Would you like to come in?"  
  
[Rather than being a bird that is trapped in a cage   
I would become a nameless stone]  
  
He did. Come in, I mean. I led him to the apartment and unlocked the door (Yui locked it since she went to an eleven o' clock class, which is twenty minutes before I get back from my ten o' clock). We walked inside, and I motioned him to take a seat at the table in the kitchen (we don't have a dining room, we have an eat-in kitchen), then walked around the table to start digging in the refridgerator for my Pepsi.  
  
"We have Pepsi, lemonade, fruit punch, and Coca-Cola." I read off the names on the bottles in the fridge. The Coca-Cola was Yui's. I don't drink the stuff. Can't stand it. Yui, however, drinks it like it's water. She is SO weird.  
  
"Pepsi's fine, thanks." He says politely, and I smile as I pour two cups of Pepsi. This isn't so bad. I can almost forget about the pain from before. Almost.  
  
I brought the cups over and he smiled at me. Shyly. Like he was afraid I'd reach out and slap him so hard he wouldn't have teeth anymore. Like I *could*.  
  
"Hey, I'm not going to hold anything against you, okay?" I told him with a bright (and fake) smile. "So you don't have to act like I'm going to pound you into the ground, okay?"  
  
"Yeah. Sorry." He said.  
  
"No, there you go again. Cut it out. You're my friend." Kinda. "You don't have to apologize when you haven't done anything wrong."  
  
"Haven't done anything wrong??" He asked, incredulous. I don't blame him, my words surprised *me* as much as they probably surprised *him*. "Ryuuen.."  
  
"Stop it." I said firmly, my voice settling into a lower-than-normal tone, putting my hands on my hips, and feeling utterly like someone else. I never do this stuff, so what was going on now? That's what I wanted to know. "It wasn't your fault, so stop kicking yourself and apologizing. You know it's not your fault, and so do I. It won't kill you to act natural around me. I won't break if you say the wrong thing. And be careful; your Pepsi is about to spill over."  
  
He had been playing with the paper cup in his hand unconsciously. Now he put it down on the table and left it there. He said nothing, and neither did I.  
  
Was I just possessed??  
  
[I can hear a whistling farther than yesterday   
I collect the scattered pieces   
And holding them tight in my right hand, I softly close my eyes]  
  
I smiled kindly at Genrou as he left a half an hour later. We had talked for a while, after the silence, about things that meant nothing to us, and yet it felt comfortable to talk about them. Nothing too personal, nothing too touchy. Just the impersonal nicities exchanged by two people who haven't quite been forgiven, or who haven't quite forgiven.  
  
After he left, I picked up the phone and dialed Taka's number.  
  
"Hello, Taka speaking." He said as he picked up. I grinned like a maniac.  
  
"Hey Taka, it's Ryuuen. You will never guess who I just had over for a half an hour." I said.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Genrou." I said, then explained, "He apologized. And.. I accepted it."  
  
"Ryuuen.. that's good." He said, "but right now.."  
  
"You have to go," I finished for him. "I know. I just wanted to tell you. Thanks. See yah."  
  
"Bye." He said, and I could practically see his smile from the other end of the line. He hung up, and so did I.  
  
Today was... okay. It was really, honestly, for the first time in what feels like forever, okay.  
  
[I can hear whistling from a distant yesterday   
It's the words of someone's prayer   
And holding them tight in my right hand, I softly close my eyes]  
  
When Yui got back from her class, I told her about it. She was happy for me, but worried. She warned me against going out with him again. I reassured her that under no circumstances would I even *consider* it.  
  
This time, when the night came, I slept peacefully and had good dreams, and the morning came far too soon.  
  
[Holding them tight in my right hand, I softly close my eyes] 


End file.
